I walked back from dropping my son off at daycare this morning holding back tears. I feel like I’m going to cry right now.
Nothing is wrong. In fact, like I wrote in my last post, things are great. He’s enjoying daycare, I get plenty of much needed time to myself (I even napped this morning), I’m really enjoying being able to give my sweet baby girl my undivided attention, and the weather here has been beautiful.
But obviously something is wrong.
I miss him.
This has been a hard transition for me. I knew it would be difficult. I’ve had him home with me for the last seven months and, even though we’ve had many hard days, I’ve really enjoyed this time. I’ve seen him grow up so much in these past few months and I am so grateful that I got to be there for it all – the good and the not so good.
I feel like I’m losing my baby. Ok, now I’m crying. He’s looking more and more like a little boy. He’s talking and saying things he’s picking up at preschool – like “ya bud” and “sure dude”.
Yesterday he had a tough time napping there. He kept waking up crying. When I asked him about it at dinner he was able to tell me what happened – in toddler talk. He said Kelly said ‘shhh shhh’ and that he woke up his friends but his one friend made him happy. And I asked him why he was crying and he said he missed mom and daddy.
All the sad face emojis.
But you know, as off as I feel right now I’m also so incredibly grateful. Grateful to have two beautiful, healthy children. Grateful for a husband who loves his family. Grateful for one year maternity leave and enough money to be able to put our son in daycare because at the end of the day, it’s best for all of us.
But maybe I’ll keep him home with me tomorrow.