To My Son and Daughter

I have a son and a daughter and my relationship with each of them is already different.  Not that I treat them differently, I mean I do because of their ages obviously, but I don’t treat my son one way because he’s a boy and my daughter another because she’s a girl.

But there is something different about the son/mother and daughter/mother relationships.

I want strong relationships with both of my children and I feel that as they get older the relationships will develop naturally.  These are some things that come to mind when I think of the people I want my children to be and the person that I will be to them.  This is not to say that I only want my son to have respect – I want my daughter to as well obviously – but these are just things that come to mind.

For my son…I want to always play with you.  I want us to have a fun relationship.  You have so much energy and life in you I want to always nurture that.  I want you to grow up to have respect – for yourself, for women, for your elders.  I want you to be compassionate person.  How to teach you this, I’m not sure, but I am going to just try to lead by example. I want you to always be able to talk about what is going on with you.  Whether it be with your dad or with me or a teacher or whoever.  Don’t hold your feelings inside. Whatever you go through in life we will be there for you.

For my daughter…this is a bit harder right now because you’re only 8.5 months old and your personality is only just starting to shine.  But shine you do. Don’t lose that light.  I wish for you to be brave, to take chances in life and trust your intuition. A woman’s intuition is strong but you have to be in tune.  Experiment and have fun, but stay true to who you are.  Take the time to find out who you are.  Spend time alone. Surround yourself with people who inspire and believe in you.  I love the way you look at me, we have had a strong connection since the day you were born and I hope that you will always look at me with so much love.

And I wish for these two to be friends.  It’s been a rocky start, but to be expected with a toddler and baby.  I can’t wait for the day that they play and laugh together.  It’s close.. 🙂


I’m Now 36

It was my birthday earlier this week.  I’m now 36 years old and I don’t really have emotional reaction to that number.  I’ve always embraced getting older, however I do still feel young.  Perhaps I am still young – it’s all relative.

I would say 35 was an interesting year, as I had expected. I wrote this on my birthday last year.  I started the year pregnant with my daughter, my son was 20 months old, and I was super busy at work.  I then went on a very emotionally exhausting trip to visit my uncle who was on his deathbed.  My husband got a job and went back to work earlier than planned (he was home with our son) and we put our son in daycare for the first time – which didn’t exactly work out.  In January I gave birth to my daughter at home and I have been on maternity leave since then.  I had both kids home with me for several months and was getting extremely burnt out.  Six weeks ago my son started at an amazing daycare and he is so happy.

So it’s been a busy year.

I had some things that I had hoped to accomplish during my 35th year and I’m sad to say that I didn’t get much done.  Granted, I’ve been a little busy, but my list only contained 4 items.  I wanted to get my license, buy a new car, get back into yoga and go on vacation.  We did buy a car (out of necessity, our other car died and we didn’t get a new one as I had wanted to), and I am doing more yoga – meditation really but I am living in a yoga mindset more these days.

So I didn’t get my license or go on a vacation.

This year I want to get my license and go on a vacation haha.

Not sure I see the vacation happening again.  But hey, you never know.

But besides the things I want to do, there are some things I want to be, to become.

I think more than anything else, this year I want to come back to myself.  Right now I am all mom all the time.  I have barely even left the house.  So this includes doing yoga.  Going to yoga classes.  I want to teach yoga again.  I want to get massages on a monthly basis.  I want to think more about my career – I’m considering a career move and I want to put more energy into this idea.  I want to dream more and have goals. I want to do more of the things I love. Surround myself with things and people who inspire me. I want to improve my diet – I’m losing a ton of weight again and I don’t want to get super skinny again.

I want to continue to work towards becoming the woman that my daughter will look up to.  My son as well, but there’s a different dynamic there.

I want to continue to work towards living in ease.  Remaining calm in challenging situations. Staying positive.  Staying in tune with my emotions and be less reactive.  More responsive.  I want to continue to live in the moment – especially with my kids.  I want to laugh more.  I want to have more fun with my husband.

I want to continue to nurture my friendships.  I have three best girl friends right now and I value these ladies so much.

I guess that’s a lot, but it’s all things I”m working towards at the moment anyways.  When I think about the year ahead I can’t really picture how it will go.  I am taking an additional 4 months maternity leave, so I still get to be home with my baby girl for another 8 months, which is crazy!  I really want to enjoy this time because it’s really a once in a lifetime opportunity.

OK, I’m rambling now.  Baby is napping but I know she’ll wake up soon and I want to take a shower. So I’ll leave it at that.


We are All Enjoying Daycare

Today is day 2 of full day daycare for our son.  He is loving it.  It just warms my heart to be able to write that.  I drop him off at 9. When we get there he sits in his cubby, we change his shoes and then say good morning to the fish – they have two aquariums.  He then runs right into his classroom to see his friends (saying “hi friends!” – how adorable is that?!).  He barely says bye to me and when we pick him up at 3:30 he’s not keen to leave.

One of the days that I picked him up he was dressed as a fireman.  I really would love to share a photo with you guys but I want to keep this blog as anonymous as possible.

We have had a number of meltdowns in the evening though, but we expected that.  Apparently kids are on their best behaviour when not with mom and dad and then when they are home they feel free to express their emotions.  And there are so many emotions.  Hopefully this will not go on for too long because it sucks to miss him all day and then get the not so happy version of him when we do get time with him.

Yesterday was my first day on my own with my sweet baby girl (my husband was home last week) and it was honestly a bit of a blur because she was up every 2 hours the night before.  She was pretty clingy but overall adorable.  She also napped really well, I think not having her brother around helps.

Last night was much better – up at 2 and then 5:45.  Unfortunately she was up for the day at that time.  But I got about 6 hours sleep, so I’m ok.

I would never have said that prior to having babies.  I used to be like a 9 or 10 hour of sleep a night kind of person.

Today is going well so far.  She went down for her nap with no fuss at 9:15 and now I”m just relaxing, drinking coffee and watching youtube videos.

I plan on doing some cleaning, getting outside for a walk (it’s a beautiful day), and enjoying my sweet baby girl.  I feel like I”m on vacation!!

While the Baby Naps

Last night was rough.  My seven month old is not only teething – she now has two little buds on the bottom – but she has caught her brothers cold who caught it from daycare.  Yup, five days into daycare and he has a cold.  So yeah, she was up a lot.  As in every two hours.

I’m a little tired today.

But now that her brother is in daycare, I can actually rest while she naps.  Ideally I would sleep, but that doesn’t always happen.

Like she’s napping now.  I put her down at 9:30 and I went right to bed.  I waited for sleep to find me for 45 minutes after which I gave up, went downstairs and made a coffee.

And here I am now, writing this and drinking a coffee when I really would much rather be sleeping.

And she’s awake.  So at least I got to rest.  Perhaps sleep will come this afternoon.


Two and Through?

My husband wants to get a vasectomy.  He’s actually wanted to get one since the day we found out I was pregnant with our second baby.  I was like, slow down buddy.

Needless to say, he’s done with having babies.

I think I am.

I’m pretty sure I am.

But when my husband told me that he wanted to make his appointment for the snip snip I felt a little funny.  A little something that confused me.

I felt sad.

When I think about having more babies I do think, rationally, that we’re done.  I’m so happy with our family.  I feel like we are complete.  I also don’t want to be pregnant again.  I’m going to be 36 this year and, not that women can’t have babies closer to 40, but oh man I am tired.  And my body is kind of falling apart.  I hurt somewhere every day – my hips, my shoulders, my neck – and I just don’t know if my body can handle another pregnancy.  I also don’t want to be pregnant with two other littles around.  That shit is exhausting.  And then there’s the whole birth thing – been there, done that.  Not to mention all the challenges that come with the baby stage.

And then there’s the emotional side of me that cries at the thought of no more babies.  My baby girl is 7 months and the time is just flying.  She is just the happiest, sweetest little thing and now that her sleep in getting in check (thank you sleep training) life is starting to feel a whole lot easier.

Honestly if we could be guaranteed another baby like her (plus an easy pregnancy and another zen birth like I had with my son) I would be more inclined to argue more! more! babies!

You just never know what you’re going to get.

Some people say the more babies you have the easier it is and I can see that.  I mean, we’ve been through it all before and the confidence is definitely there now.  But let’s be real, the more babies you have, the more complicated life gets too.

My husband and I like to keep things simple.  We like simple routines.  We’re kind of home bodies.  We don’t like a lot of stuff.  We like quiet time.  Alone time.  Time together would be nice too.

But one more wouldn’t complicate things too much, right?  My son is now in daycare and will start kindergarden soon.  My daughter will be in daycare at 16 months – if we were to do it again I would for sure keep her in because having my son home with me with the baby was no walk in the park.

Gah no!!  No more babies.  My head kind of spins at the thought of it.

But imagine all that added love in the house.

There would be so much love.  And kisses.  And hugs.  And smiles.  And little toes to tickle.

…and diapers. And crying.  And spit up.  And cracked nipples.  And sleepless nights. And worry.  And laundry. And tantrums. And food on the floor that mom has to clean up.

So yeah, I’m on the ‘no more babies’ team, but I think I need a bit of time to come to terms with it.


First Day at Daycare

Oh boy. I feel like a lot is going on over here right now. Not only are we coming off of our first few nights (and naps apparently) of sleep training our 7 month old – which is super crazy stressful – but my son started his transition to daycare today.

Have to say I’m feeling good about both of these things.  Night is going really well – she cried for 3 minutes last night guys 3 MINUTES! so I decided to just bite the bullet and start sleep training for naps, which is proving to be a bit trickier, but I expected that. My sister was over this morning to watch her while I look the boy to daycare and she was actually able to get her down for a nap with less than 5 minutes of crying.  When I walked in the door I could hear her crying a little and my poor sister was in tears too.  She’s like, this is so hard!! lol YA I KNOW.  She only slept for 30 minutes, but I’m just happy that other people can put her down.  Kind of a big deal.

As for the daycare….so today was day one of the three day transition in and it was great. Today was only from 9:30-11 and I stayed the whole time.  When we got there 4 of the 9 kids were crying so that was kind of shitty.  I had a bad feeling in my stomach, but it’s an emotional thing anyways.  They said that a lot of the kids are new in that class (moved up from the younger group) and that many of the kids are coming off of a 4 day weekend so it was a tough transition day for a lot of them.  So I get that.  Still, not the best thing to see first thing.

They spent only about 15 minutes inside and the rest of the time was spent playing outside in their amazing yard.  My son was super cool.  He was just exploring and playing with the kids.

I thought for sure he’d nap but he’s up in his room jumping on his bed, so yeah, not sure a nap is in the cards yet again.  It’s been over a week since he’s napped so I think he may be done with it.  It’ll be interesting to see if he naps at daycare.  He’s tired that’s for sure.

But yeah, busy but good day so far.

Change is Coming

My son starts daycare on Tuesday.  I had mixed feelings about this for a while, but after this past week I’m feeling like it just might be the best for everyone.

It’s been a rough week.

I’ve been feeling so angry.  I’m burnt out and exhausted.  He stopped napping this week, which would be fine except by 3 he’s tired and cranky.  And my 7 month old has been fussy because her sleep has sucked too (hence the need for sleep training) and it’s just been really hard.  Plus my husband worked 9-5 instead of 7-3 which made the days feel so much longer.

So yeah, after this stress filled exhausting week I’m ready for a break.

Also, with the weather getting colder it’s perfect time for him to be in daycare because honestly I don’t know what we’d do if we were stuck in the house all day on bitter cold winter days (it’s coming!).

I still feel sad though. As tough as he can be some days, he’s also so incredible right now.  He started talking late – like at around 2 years old- so these past few months have been really cool as he has started to talk so much more.  And he’s funny.  Oh my god he’s funny.  The things he says crack me up. We have a lot of fun and I’m going to miss him.

But I also miss my time. I have no time right now.  I feel like some days I can’t breathe.  I’m all mom all the time and I need time for me.

So this will be good.

I have a checklist of things I need to do – do taxes, meet with my boss to discuss extending my mat leave, make baby books, sleep, do yoga, clean the house, watch tv, play with my baby girl..

I’m really looking forward to having some one on one time with my baby girl.  Her brother can be very demanding of my time and attention and sadly she doesn’t come first often.

I”m looking forward to the new routine too.  Next week doesn’t really count because it’s shorter days as we transition him in and also my husband took the week off – which will be so nice to just spend time with him during the day.   While the baby naps we can watch movies, order pizza, make out 😉

So I’m thinking the weeks following will look something like this:

  • 7:30 – hopefully everyone will be awake, have breakfast, get dressed
  • 8:45 – I’d like to have him there by 9 every morning.  the daycare is just down the street, but I think if we walked it would take 30 minutes to get there, so I’ll probably throw my son in the stroller and the baby in the carrier and walk back with her in the stroller
  • 9:30 – nap time.  This will probably be closer to 10 as she’s been fighting her morning nap so much lately. I’ll probably have a coffee, clean up the house (get back to my weekly cleaning schedule), do something on my to do list, write or do yoga
  • 10:30 – get out with her to a playgroup or a mom and baby yoga (yessss!)
  • 12:30 – back home for lunch
  • 1:30 – nap time.  Again, more time to myself!!!  I am so looking forward to this!  I’d love to get into a new show and just veg out on the couch during this afternoon nap.
  • 3:00 – hang out with my baby girl, start dinner
  • 4:00 – go get my son, probably have him walk back depending on the weather. there’s a really nice path we can take so it’s a nice walk
  • 5:00 – dinner then bath then bed

I feel good about this.  I”m excited to see how he’ll transition – I really think it’ll go well.  He’s so social and I think he’s getting pretty bored just hanging out with me and his baby sister.

I hope I don’t get bored!  As stressful as our days are they are definitely full.  It’s going to be a whole lot quieter around here that’s for sure.