It’s 6:45 pm and I’m sitting on my couch eating goldfish crackers and drinking wine. The crackers because we have no food in the house and the wine because it’s been one of those days. Weeks really.
I felt very anxious today. I haven’t been sleeping because my sweet baby girl has not been sleeping (sleep regression? teething? who knows..) and I know that right there is the root of my anxiety. I can only do so many nights of really really bad sleep before I start to crack. I could feel the cracks forming this week and today they got bigger than me.
I was laying in bed with my daughter trying to extend her nap and I could see on the monitor that my son was up jumping, jumping, jumping in his crib. I had put him down for his nap 30 minutes prior and he was exhausted. And yet there he was jumping and yelling. The red bars on the monitor were making me so angry. And somehow that anger turned into anxiety.
I needed a break today.
So yeah, my son jumps in his crib. A lot. It’s kind of what he does before he sleeps, which is totally crazy. And then yesterday when I was changing his sheets I noticed that a piece of the metal grid thing, you know that thing that’s under the mattress, well I noticed that a small part of it is broken. Not surprising. I’m actually surprised he hasn’t broken the whole crib yet. Which I feel could happen really at any point. He’s not baby anymore – he’s 2 years and 4 months old – and he really gives his all when he jumps.
So my husband and I have decided that it might be a good time to move him to a toddler bed. More specifically – a mattress on the floor because I know he’ll try to jump and I don’t want him to hurt himself.
To say I’m nervous about this transition is an understatement.
Our plan is to talk to him about it for a bit before we do it. We’re going to take him shopping for his bed and let him pick out a new comforter. We’re then going to move everything out of his room except for a beanbag chair, some books and some stuffed animals – basically anything he can possibly climb or run into and hurt himself on is going.
I’m worried this move will mean the end of naps. I need him to nap. But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there I guess.
I also want to move him to a new bed soon because he’ll be experiencing a big change in a few months. We found a really really great daycare/preschool that he’s going to go to in September. When we did a tour a few weeks ago my husband and I both got a bit emotional about it. It’s kind of perfect.
As amazing as it is, I still have mixed feelings about it. I know it’ll be great for him in a lot of ways, but as hard as some days are, I’m really happy having him home. He’s so amazing. He’s talking more and more every day and man that kid is funny. He’s also sweet and fun and I just love that I get to spend so much time with him.
The downside of having him home is that he demands a lot of my attention and I don’t always get a lot of quality time with my sweet baby girl – which is what I was worried about from the start. She is such a sweet thing and she adores her big brother. She is extremely social – she can be super fussy but as soon as I start talking and playing with her she perks right up.
But the biggest issue with having him home, and this comes back to my anxiety, is that I am feeling extremely stretched thin. I need time to myself during the day and right now that’s just not happening.