Mom Guilt

My son goes to daycare every morning from 9-12 and is normally pretty ok about it.  He’s happy when he gets there and sometimes even shoves me out the door saying ‘bye bye’.

This morning he didn’t want to go.  We were having a great morning, he was happy, we played with his legos, we read some books, and then when I said it was time to go he threw his boots across the room and refused to put his jacket on.  I managed to get him in the stroller and put sweet baby girl up in the ergo and we walked over to his daycare.  As soon as we got there he started crying and hanging onto my leg.

He obviously didn’t want to be there.

I stayed for a bit until he was happy and then I made my way back home.  As soon as I walked in the door it hit me, hard.

Mom guilt.

Why didn’t I just bring him back home?  Why isn’t he here with me right now? Sweet baby girl went for her hap as soon as I came home so it’s not like she’s demanding my attention or anything.  I’m literally here at home alone writing this.

Ugh.  I”m so torn on this whole daycare thing.  I know it’s good for him and and it’s especially good for me because as amazing as he is some days he’s really really hard and as great as the little one is sleeping, some nights are not so great and I need to take care of myself.  I need time in the morning to do the things I need to do – be it clean the house, take a nap, write a blog post, or stare at the wall enjoying the silence.

Having my son in daycare for 3 hours a day is a luxury.  But some days it doesn’t feel like it.  Now I know I could have just brought him right back home, but I also don’t want to mess with his routine.  We’ve got a good thing going on.  I also don’t want to just give in when he doesn’t want to do something.

And there’s the mom guilt again – all he wanted to do was be with me today.

We’ve got an extra long weekend coming up so I know I’ll have a lot of time with him.  And I bet you at the end of that long weekend we’ll all be looking forward to getting back to our routine – him with his friends and me with my space.

 

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