I’ve been feeling pretty emotional lately. I have cried I think every day this week. Today I cried watching a video of an army guy reunited with his son – but really, I think most people feel emotional watching those kind of videos. Yesterday I cried because my son hit his head (pretty bad) and while he was napping I started thinking the worst (what if he’s concussed and I just put him to bed and something horrible happens while he’s sleeping?!). I felt anxiety rise and finally I just went in to check on my son.
He was fine.
I was not so fine.
I started thinking about awful it would be if anything were to happen to my children. Why I would do this to myself is beyond me because next thing I know I’m balling my eyes out – just as my husband comes home. Welcome home honey!
I’ve also cried this week looking at my sweet baby girl. I feel so blessed and grateful and she’s just so amazing and perfect and I feel so lucky and all that makes me FEEL ALL OF THE FEELINGS.
I’ve also been feeling extremely impatient this week. I’ve been getting frustrated quickly and that worries me more than the crying. Because this is where it starts. Frustration turns to anger turns to hopelessness turns to all of the bad things I experienced after my son was born.
But it really does feel different this time. For one, I am wayyy more myself. I am totally aware of what I’m feeling and I know that it’s all very normal. I’m still hormonal – it’s only been 8 weeks – and I’m still sleep deprived, even though GET THIS GUYS – my baby girl is an AMAZING SLEEPER!!!! Sometimes I think, whose child is this?! Probably a topic for another post but she naps on her own, she doesn’t scream when I put her down, and all week she’s been sleeping 6 and 7 hours straight. Amazing.
But yeah, all that to say, emotionally I’m feeling a little off. Not totally, just a little. I’m going to just keep a very close eye on it and if I start to feel worse then I’ll do something about it this time.