I lost my temper yesterday. My 2 year old threw all his dinner on the floor and as I was cleaning it up he tried to crawl up onto my back. I told him to stop. He persisted. I told him more firmly to stop and grabbed him off my back and kind of pushed him to the side – not very hard but enough to make him fall over. He cried so I picked him up and placed him on the couch. He stopped crying and went and played with his toys.
After he went to bed I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened. I hate acting out on my frustration. I am the adult. He is the child. My reaction not only was not kind, but it sets an awful example.
And the worst part is that I know he was just wanting to play. He needed my attention because I hadn’t given him enough of me that day (though I’m starting to feel there will never be enough of me to go around).
As far as the food throwing bit goes – well that just needs to stop.
So I could have reacted better. I have just been feeling so worn thin this week. The house is always a mess. I feel lately like I always have a child latched on to me. I haven’t had a moment to myself, let alone any time with my husband. And I didn’t get more than 5 hours of broken sleep a night all week.
All that to say: I’m exhausted.
I know I’m not the first mother in history yo feel guilty for reacting to their children in a more aggressive manner than they would like, and I’m definitely not the last.
All I can do is forgive myself, take better care of myself, and try to remember that if I’m in the same situation again (and I will be) to take a deep breath and just walk away.