I started this blog when we started considering having a second child. I started it because I wanted a second child and, if we were to go ahead I needed to be prepared to revisit some dark times.
I had post partum depression with my first. I didn’t admit it at the time, but I can see it clearly now.
For the first months I was afraid to be alone with my son. I was overwhelmed with the fear that he would die. I had anxiety over the smallest things, leaving the house was extremely difficult. I couldn’t eat and I lost so much weight (by 6 months post partum I was 20 pounds under my prepregnancy weight, and I’m thin to begin with). I couldn’t sleep. My marriage was crumbling and my sex drive was at an all time low. I felt angry all the time and alone.
My sweet baby girl is now 6 weeks old and as difficult as some days are, my experience this time around is nothing compared to my son.
My husband even said to me that I am more myself now than I have been since our son was born.
Did my daughter cure me? Maybe. I have to say, the moment she was born I felt a release. Not only was the pain of childbirth gone, but I felt something else.
I felt happy.
A genuine happiness that I hadn’t felt in a long long time.
And since that day life feels normal again. Which is wild to say because life is pretty crazy right now with a two year old and a newborn, but I feel normal. I feel like myself again.