Today was really hard…still is

I feel like I’m in the thick of it right now.  The five week old screamed at me all afternoon.  Nothing I did soothed her.  She even fussed while nursing and wouldn’t sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time.

My two year old ended up getting a shitty nap because she woke him up.  He woke up very cranky and needed a lot of attention. Thank god for the ergo, but with her in there I’m pretty limited with what I can do with him (can’t get on the floor and play kind of thing) – but we made it work.

She is now sleeping on my husband in the ergo carrier (which brings back some not so fond memories – but you do what you gotta do) so I know I have a couple of hours.  But, get this, my son, who is usually a great night sleeper – is now screaming his head off in his room.  I went in once (which I don’t normally do) to try to soothe him and he calmed right down, but as soon as I put him back in his crib he started scream crying again.

I have had enough of the crying for one day. My nerves are seriously shot.

Did I mention I only got about three hours sleep last night?

I’m just trying to take deep breathes and remember that one bad day does not have to be any more than that.  As soon as my son settles I can attempt to sleep.

I wrote before about how I fear the nights, and this is what I’m talking about.  I feel the anxiety creeping up again and it scares me.  I’m beginning to feel a little suffocated, but having gone through it before and knowing there is a light does help.

I just can’t handle the non stop crying.  It’s so hard.

He’s still in there crying and I just want to cry. I’m so tired.


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