Not impressed right now

My husband can’t handle the newborn phase. I knew this from our first time around but it seems worse this time for some reason. Probably because I’m more myself and less crazy. In other words:  I’m pretty sure it’s not all in my head.

Him not being able to handle the crying, not knowing how or even trying to soothe her and being rather over dramatic about it (head in hands kind of gestures) is hard for me. I feel like I have no support, that it’s all on me.  And that makes me feel all those not so great feelings that I felt with our son: anger, resentment, disappointment, sadness and frustration.

Just a bit ago I asked him to watch her while I took a much needed shower. I come out of the shower to find her crying in her crib. Bedroom door closed. Husband nowhere to be found. I was so angry, still am. He figures it’s ok for her to cry a bit. She’s 4 weeks old. I’m not ok with that.

I’m now holding my baby girl while she sleeps on my chest (my hair wrapped in a towel in my housecoat), trying to just take deep breaths and not let this one incident be bigger than it is. She’s perfectly fine. My husband has been great with our son all morning. I can hear them laughing together downstairs right now. 

The newborn stage is hard, I know. I want to try not to judge my husband or hold grudges. I have to trust that he’s doing his best, just as I’m doing my best. I don’t want to be angry. I want to try to understand things from his perspective and give him the benefit of the doubt.

But oh man that feels so hard right now. Ten minutes. That’s all I needed. 

Deep breaths.

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