I hate today

My day began with a rough night. I can handle rough nights as long as I can get in a good nap first thing, but that didn’t happen today. I tried to sleep in with my daughter but she wouldn’t settle so we got out of bed at 8:30 and headed downstairs.

I could tell right away that things were not going well for my husband, the first thing he said to me was “he’s hit me three times”. By he he’s referring to our 2 year old who at that moment was flinging a flashlight against the wall. I moved closer to him and saw that the living room was a disaster, there was crayon all over the walls (seriously?!) and my son was looking a little frantic.

My husband had been with him for an hour. One hour. I was like, are you kidding me?

Then my husband proceeds to tell me how he didn’t sleep well last night. And here I am with bloodshot eyes, sore breasts and our two week old in my arms who has been screaming at me on and off for the last 6 hours – sorry dude no sympathy here. So I put our daughter down and go to calm our son. We tidy the living room, sit on the floor and read books and play with his farm animals while my husband goes downstairs. Once he’s calm and playing independently (my son not my husband) I make myself some breakfast and a coffee. By the the time both are ready the baby is crying – hungry yet again. 

My coffee and breakfast get cold while I breastfeed my daughter while reading books to my son.

My parents then wake up. Yup they’re up visiting and will be staying with us for a few weeks. This is proving to be more stressful than helpful so far, unfortunately. 

The morning continues with my son being a little crazy and my daughter refusing to sleep – so this means no nap for me. 

I need to nap. I realized early on that if I don’t get the sleep I need I get anxious and emotional. So here I am feeling very emotional and frustrated and just unsupported.

Now I know my husband means well but sometimes I just feel like I have to do everything myself. Not just with the kids (though that’s the most frustrating part for me)  but around the house. Laundry piles up if I don’t do it.  Crayon stays on the walls of I don’t clean it. He’s good to clean the kitchen but the rest of the house falls on me. I’d talk to him about it but it only really bothers me when I’m not sleeping. And right now I just want to avoid all conflict.

So here I am now in our bedroom with my daughter sleeping on me. I can hear my son crying downstairs and I want to cry too. 

Did I meantion its only noon. 


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