Looking Back, Looking Ahead

2016 was an interesting year.  Last year at this time I was still on maternity leave and my husband was off work and we were enjoying the time we had with our son.  In March I went back to work and I faced a huge disappointment upon my return (my mat leave replacement was awarded my job..a job that I created and asked our VP to make permanent) – so yeah, that was really shitty.  But it all worked out because the job that I did end up going back to was kind of perfect.  I was able to work from home a lot, I initiated a ton of projects, and I loved my team.  And I was making more money.  So it all worked out in the end.  And then in April I got pregnant after only trying for a few months which was pretty awesome.  But then we all got really really sick.  And unfortunately, that stomach bug turned sinus infection was not the end of me feeling ill – the nausea with this pregnancy was way worse than it was with my son and I was sick pretty much all summer and when it did finally lift I found I never really got my energy back.   I went home in October to visit my dieing uncle,  who sadly passed away a few days before Christmas.   My husband got a great job about a month ago.  We’ve put our son in daycare (not awesome, not awful) and I’ve been able to come to terms with the idea of him not being here for the first few months.

Which brings me to 2017.

First off, we’ll be welcoming our daughter to the world this year, so that’s pretty huge.  And I can’t think of a better way to start the year than to be off work, taking the time to think about and plan for our baby girl.  My mat leave officially begins January 3rd, but I’ve been off since the 24th for the Christmas break. My son is going to be with me for Mondays and Tuesdays and then I have the rest of the week to myself.  So for the month of January I plan to do a lot of nesting, relaxing, and preparing for this little one.  I still think she’s going to be early – I’m thinking I won’t go past 38 weeks, but we’ll see!  My number one focus in 2017 is going to be my babies, but I don’t want to lose myself again.  I don’t want postpartum anxiety to cripple me.  I don’t want to get overwhelmed and feel isolated. I don’t want to feel angry and resentful towards my husband. So in 2017 I plan to take care of myself.  To sleep.  To meditate. To ask for help. To PAY for help!  To get out and do things for myself.  Because I need that.  I want to be able to enjoy my maternity leave to the fullest and appreciate every stage in both of my kids lives – no matter how challenging.  And if I’m feeling burnt out or stretched too thin, I know I won’t be able to.  So this will also be the year of throwing money at our problems.  And speaking of money, I want to take some time towards the end of the year to re-evaluate my career.  Perhaps it will mean a new job at the same company, or a complete change.  Who knows, maybe I’ll even just decide to take a bit of a step back for a bit and just go back part time.  Lots of time to decide.

Well, it’s now 10:20 pm and I’m exhausted so I’m going to call it a night.  What can I say, the days of countdowns at midnight are behind me, at least for a little while.

Happy new year everyone!!

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