I wrote yesterday (the other day? ) about getting ready for labour, but really what’s top of my mind these days is the fact that we’re going to have two kids under two.
I’m seriously struggling with the one right now. How are we going to do this?
My son, although amazing and I love him and blah blah blah, has been really fucking hard lately. He has been sucking every bit of energy and patience I have these days and I’m exhausted.
And I can’t even drink.
I can’t wait to drink again.
How do stay at home parents with tantrum throwing toddlers, biting, strong willed toddlers do it? How they not lose their shit and end up just crying in a corner on these tough days?
They must drink.
And then I think about what it’s going to be like with two. Oh god. I’m honestly scared right now.
I suppose when the baby comes my cup won’t be quite so full. I’m on about 17 deadlines at work today and have been putting in extra hours after we put him down for the night. Not to mention the not so fun pregnancy symptoms – insomnia, indigestion, heightened irritability (hormonal? lack of sleep? stress?), and I’m stuffed up all the time it’s so freaking annoying. Oh and my pelvis this time feels like it’s just going to crack in half any day. Lovely, I know. And our house is a fucking mess.
So yeah, I’ve got a lot going on and I gotta say, I’m ready for this shitty day to be done.
I put him down about half an hour ago and now, instead of dwelling on all this, I’m going to try to turn my day and my negative thoughts around. Because I really so am excited to meet our baby girl. Terrified too, sure, but I know she’s going to bring so much love into our home just as my son did.
And for that I am so grateful.
In fact, I have so much to be grateful for. And it’s so important for me to remember these things on tough days – venting helps too, wine would help more, but gratitude probably helps the most.
So today I am grateful for the beautiful fall weather we’re having, a flexible work schedule, my husband for being so amazing with our son, my sons laughter (he has the best laugh), my dog for helping clean up all the food my son throws on the floor, a full fridge, clean water, and hot showers – which I’m going to go indulge in right now.
I feel better already.