So my husband had his job interview today and it went really well. I’m pretty sure he’s going to be offered the position. When he came home and told me about it I wanted to cry. I’m both happy for him and super anxious.
For those of you who have been following my blog, you know why. If you’re new here, basically I had pretty bad anxiety/anger/sadness with our first baby and with this one due in a few months I’m a bit (a lot) scared that I’ll experience all the shitty bits again. Knowing that my husband was going to be home for those first few months was what was keeping me sane (and frankly, a key deciding factor in deciding to go ahead and try for a second baby). So him deciding that he wants to go back to work a few months before the baby is born kind of threw me for a loop.
I’ve been writing a lot about this – right from when he told me he was considering looking for a job and I’ve been letting it stress me out more than I should. Like I wrote before, if he gets the job it’ll be fine. Probably even better than fine. And if I do experience the anxiety again, at least this time it won’t come as a surprise and I’ll have the resources I need.
I still feel pretty selfish for feeling all this. After all, he needs to do what’s best for him. And he came back from the interview feeling really good. I know he wants to work again – he’s been off for nearly a year now. And this place really does sound perfect. And it pays well (he’ll *almost* be making as much as I do hehe).
I also hate dwelling on what negative things could happen. Especially when we’re talking about a sweet baby girl. I’m looking forward to so much. I can’t wait to meet and fall in absolute love with her. I remember just staring at my son in complete awe thinking how lucky I was. And I’m so lucky that I get to experience that kind of love all over again. I’m just hoping that the hard parts aren’t as hard as they were with my son.
So deep breaths.
Today I googled post partum doulas again and have put my son on a waiting list at the daycare down the street.
Ugh and then there’s the thought of him in daycare. Mixed emotions there. Good because I think he’ll enjoy it and the structure would probably do him some good. Not so good because we won’t be with him. But it’ll only be for a little while (full time at least). After the baby comes I think I’ll only keep him in three days a week.
I keep telling myself, don’t worry about this until we know for sure. But I really do feel he’s going to be offered this job and I just want to be prepared.