Life has been so busy lately I don’t feel like I’ve had anytime to stop and think. To write. To do anything besides work, eat, sleep, repeat.
It was my birthday earlier this week. On my birthday each year I usually take time to reflect and think about life. I try not to get too heavy with these thoughts, but I just like to take stock of where I’m at, where I thought I’d be, and what I want the next year to look like.
I turned 35 this year. It kind of feels like a big one, but I don’t feel old or anything like that. I was saying to my husband that I think people at work think I’m a lot younger than I actually am. They ask if I want more kids and I say, no I’m getting too old! And they scoff and comment at how young I am. Yes, 35 is still young, but not so young when it comes to pregnancy, babies and toddlers! I may look like I’m in my late 20’s, but I don’t feel it!!
Thirty-four was a good year. My son was eight months old at my birthday last year and things really got better and better in that regard. Every baby stage comes with its own challenges, but my favourite was probably between 8 months and 16 months.
We’re in a bit of a challenging phase now at nearly 20 months, but it’s still pretty awesome.
In my 34th year I feel like I really embraced motherhood. It took me a while to get there. I loved him with a love I had never experienced before right from day one (even before day one!) but I really felt like I was living a life that wasn’t mind for a while there. I have much better balance now – being back at work helps, though I miss him so much every day.
Work has been so busy. I’ve got a lot of big projects on my plate that I’m really hoping to wrap up before I leave for another year on maternity leave. At least this time around I don’t have to worry about losing my job. Yup – on my last mat leave I was told 2 days before returning that I was not the selected candidate for a job that I had been doing for two years – a job that I had created and proposed to our VP that it be made permanent. They did make it permanent, only they changed who it reported to and offered it to my mat leave replacement. ANYWHO, bit of a sore spot there.
Ugh now I’m thinking about that whole situation. I’m still really fucking angry about that.
I keep telling myself that I dodged a bullet – and I did – because they changed the role and it’s no longer what I had envisioned. And I have an awesome boss right now. And I really like the work I do. And I got a raise when I came back – so bygones, right?
But yeah, it’s been super busy and a tad stressful. When I come home from work I’m pretty exhausted but I make sure to muster up the energy to play with my son as he goes to bed super early (6:30) and I want to spend as much quality time with him as I can. He’s so awesome.
I feel like 35 is going to be an interesting year. I was going to say good, but I have my doubts. I think it’s going to be challenging with two young kids at home. I also think I’m going to continue to learn so much about being a mother all while still being ME. I’ll be spending the majority of my 35th year home with my babies, so that’s pretty special.
Babies aside, there are some things for me that I’d like to do in my 35th year. I haven’t given it too much thought yet, but off the top of my head:
- get my licence. I know, this is crazy, but I don’t drive. I need to drive!!
- buy a new car. Thinking SUV – something family friendly.
- get back to yoga. I’m a certified yoga instructor but I’ve been sorely neglecting my practice.
- go on a vacation. This could be tricky with 2 young kids, but maybe it’ll just be to go visit my parents. Doesn’t have to be anything crazy. Just get out of the city and experience new things. Maybe I’ll even do a one night away solo yoga retreat..hmmm….
That’s all I have so far. Honestly, with a new baby coming in January I’m just being realistic as I now know how all encompassing babies can be!
Oh wait I guess the other thing would be – survive the first three months! And not get divorced! There we go – big goals for 35! 🙂