This morning I had to take many, many deep breaths.  It all started when my almost 17 month old son couldn’t fit the top of the humidifier onto the base.  After a few tries I could see his frustration building and so I tried to help him.  Big mistake.  He lost his shit completely.  Scream crying on the floor (not a tear in sight, mind you), legs flailing, arms flailing.  Just fucking hysterical.  So I got down on the floor and said, I know you’re frustrated, want to read a book instead?

And he gets right up and goes to get a book.  We sit.  He smiles.  All is well in the world again.

We need to get downstairs for breakfast but first, diaper change.  I tell him, it’s time to change your diaper.  I pick him up and already, he doesn’t like that.  The feet are kicking and he’s squirming to get out of my arms.  I tell him calmly (like the peaceful, attachment, RIE parenting websites tell me to) that we’re going to change his diaper and if he’d like he can help.

He fucking loses his shit.  Flailing on the change table, I talk calmly (ok, not quite as calmly now) saying if he just relaxes we’ll be done before he knows it.  I sing, I give him distraction toys, I try to reason with him and he’s not having it.

At this point I’m starting to lose patience.  I can’t get his diaper on because he’s trying to kick me – sideways – and he’s twisting his body.  We stop, I let him stand up and I give him a hug and ask him to calm down.  He kicks me, smacks my face and tries to throw his body onto the floor.

This turns me into angry, impatient mom who is no longer interested in reasoning with an unreasonable child.

We finally (finally!) finish, I pick him up and he is still kicking, screaming.  I put him down on the floor, tell him he needs to sort his shit out, and I walk out of the room for a mom time out.

My husband comes up the stairs, asks what’s going on and I tell him we’re all just taking a moment.

He goes and picks him up and what does my son do – rests his head against my husbands shoulder and makes the sweetest little baby whimpers.

Are you fucking kidding me?

They head down for breakfast leaving me sitting at top of the stairs, wishing I could drink.  And it was only 7:45 in the morning.


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