I felt like I was a bit of a shitty mom today.
Let me start with a bit of context/compassion for myself. So first off, I’m sick. I have a nasty cold that has been lingering for over a week now. And to top it off, my 9 month old daughter who also has a cold and is teething is not sleeping, which means I’m not sleeping. My day started at 6:30 but I was up at 10 and 12:30 and 2 and then from 3:30 – 5:30.
I look out the window and there is a crazy storm outside. Wind blowing. Rain falling. Just miserable day. The kind of day that makes you just want to stay in bed. But I have a toddler and a baby so that’s just not possible.
We got up and did our regular morning routine – all is well except my son was being his usual toddler self and demanding five times over for milk, juice, dad, grandpa (really?), and blankets. It’s all good. I was in a yes kind of mood and I knew daycare drop off was soon.
I bundled the kids up and walked with them in the cold rain the 6 minutes down the street. I had my son in the stroller and my daughter in the ergo. I couldn’t use my umbrella because the wind just blew it inside out. And I forgot my hat.
I get there, cold, wet and so looking forward to crawling back into bed once I got home and put my daughter down for a nap.
But the lights were all out.
I was greeted by one of the teachers who informed me that the centre was closed due to a power outage and flood in the basement.
OK. I’ll be honest I was a little pissed that they didn’t contact me earlier, but what can I do?
We walked back and I started mentally preparing myself for the day.
I already sound like a shitty mom. I should be happy to spend the day with my son. He’s super fun and adorable and I love him so much.
And the morning was actually great, as most mornings are. Renovations are still happening over here, but they were pretty quiet today so no biggie. He watched a bit of tv while his sister napped and then when she woke up we baked some cookies. We put on music and shook our bodies. We read books and cuddled.
Things started to fall apart after lunch, as they do, when he started to get tired. He refuses to nap at home now. I don’t know why. I hate it. He’s exhausted and he gets frantic and pretty unbearable. I tried to get him to nap but it just made me angry. He literally bounces off the walls in his room.
At 1:30, after I got my daughter down for her second nap I went and got my son and I pretty much let him watch tv all afternoon. I know for some people it’s not a big deal, but I hate it. I wanted to be spending quality time with him but he was being incredibly unreasonable – throwing things, hurting his sister, getting frustrated with his toys – that I didn’t know what else to do except yell in my head THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO NAP.
I was still interacting with him with the tv on, he was happy, and I was able to tend to my daughter so I really ought to give myself a break.
Ugh anyways, things got worse as dinner time approached. He was totally crazy by the time my husband got home and I felt really shitty. I felt like I should have done more. I should know how to keep him calm. I want my husband to come home to a happy, calm house.
So yeah, not feeling so great today. I know I need to just let it go, do some yoga, meditate, and focus on things for which I am grateful. Which is what I”m going to do right now.